For me, the hardest thing was to get myself to do things. It’s a constant battle. You decide you want to recover, but part of you is too afraid, or too scared of change. Or sometimes, part of your doesn’t listen to you anymore for whatever reason.
It’s I think why it’s so hard for us to move along, to change, to get better. We go to people and tell them our problems, because we want someone there to listen, someone to cry on, which I think is a great thing to do. We need support from others to remind ourselves we’re not alone.
Friends listen to us and advise us as best as they could. But the thing is, they will always be outside of the real issue no matter how close you are to them. Why? They don’t know how you really feel, they could not be able to relate with you completely because even if you can describe your pain with the best words, at the end of it, all they can do is listen. You’re the one feeling it most.
But what if you tried to listen to yourself? What if you sat down, and let yourself talk. Sit, and listen to why you’re really sad, why you’re heart is broken, why you’re scared and panicking. One thing I learned was, the best listener there is in the world is yourself.
Why? You know yourself best. You have a responsibility to yourself. It’s your heart, your body, your mind, it’s your job to take care of it. It’s a good thing to ask for help, to seek advice, but it’ll all mean nothing if you don’t do something about it.
The first step to recovery for me, is to re-connect with myself. Even if you don’t understand everything right now, the one thing you at least should know is the pain. Be there for yourself, if that makes sense. When you’re in the heart of your darkness, and you really feel like things won’t get better, remember this:
You are your best friend. We rely a lot on people; our friends, our family, but we seldom rely on ourselves. So when all of a sudden these friends and family disappear, we feel scared because there is nobody there to show you that someone cares. That’s what you need to work on. You need to love yourself, get to know yourself. It’s only you who can tell yourself that you can conquer anything. When you go to sleep at night, when you dream, you’re in your own mind. Your own subconscious. When you talk to yourself, read to yourself, when you argue with yourself sometimes!
You need to be in one with all the voices in your head. You need to love them, change the way they think when necessary, because sometimes, when we don’t have anybody who we can go to, all we really have are ourselves. If you are in one with everything in you, you’ll be surprised that these voices in your mind, your inner fighter, your natural instinct,will be there to defend you and lift you back up when you need it, because you were there for them too.
When we’re in pain, our emotions and thoughts are like wild wolves. And our mind becomes a scary forest with scary wolves you don’t even know anymore. But it’s your forest. You’re the queen or the king. Lead your pack, because really, you’re the alpha bad ass and you can do anything.
The Little Novice.